Encountering the Saboteur

We're well into week two of the course now and after two very powerful conference calls, it is clear that the shadow patterns of resistance and self-sabotage are revealing themselves. This is entirely to be expected and indeed welcomed. As you step on into the potential of really shifting long held patterns and associations that have come to define our reality, it is hardly surprising the old, 'you' is going to do everything it can to hold on to what is familiar, and what is known. That old familiar, inauthentic, version of you is really just composed of a bunch of stories, beliefs and assumptions about 'reality' that have come to identify you as a personality. This shadowy figure (the shadow of your true self) has one primary aim and that is to keep things exactly the way they are. However dysfunctional, and however much opposed to the aims and vision of the 'authentic' you, the 'shadow-you', wants to preserve this status quo at all costs. We could call this the ego, but let's get a bit more graphic, let's called this figure the saboteur. Now let's not underestimate the value of the saboteur. After all, s/he's got you this far in life. You're still here, you've survived, you're still in tact. Sure, it may not be everything you want, but it's safe, it's known, it's familiar, it's predictable. What your saboteur will do everything to undermine is any attempt that the authentic you makes to change.

One of the primary tasks of this week is to simply observe the activities of the saboteur; to observe the way that the saboteur seeks to undermine all our best intentions. Everybody's saboteur operates in a different way. For example, one of my own classic saboteur patterns over the years has been to take on too many responsibilites and then feel overwhelmed by all I have to do, and feel like I have to back track. We have encountered several others in the group this week. For instance, a very common one that has been rearing its head is the demand for instant results. The saboteur says 'ok, you've been doing these practices for two whole days now and nothing major has changed, you see, it obviously doesn't work - lets' get back to what we know!'. Yes, there's something in all of us that wants to see instant results, wants an immediate confirmation that what we are doing is actually worth anything, we want to be sure that we're not just following some idealistic pipe dream. Another one I've been very aware of recently is the unconscious strategy of becoming confused, baffled, mixing up days and times, becoming forgetful, missing appointments or being inexlicably late for anything that has to do with you actually engaging with the creative manifestation process.

So if the saboteur is making its presence felt in your life this week, and I'd be very surprised if it isn't, then just let it be, let it reveal itself. Your job in your developing practice of living authentically is to simply observe, just watch, listen, be aware, to allow feelings to come up, honour them and let them go. It's so easy to judge or condemn yourself as a saboteur and to become resigned in relation to your authentic vision. It can just seem too difficult, too unrealistic or far away. Yet, the very fact that the sabotage patterns are making themselves known shows that something very important is happening. If the saboteur feels the need to get heavy-handed and start putting the boot in, then you can be sure that something really powerful is stirring. This is the time to be the observer. Let the saboteur reveal itself, because when it does, when it is lured out of the shadows, its power over you diminishes dramatically. By being the observer, you lure the shadow out, expose it to the light of consciousness and from there you can see it for what it is, and in that moment where the shadow is revealed, you come to know yourself and in that moment real healing can occur, and the authentic you is revealed. be the observer. Let the saboteur be revealed. Let it be.

Love John x